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How Do You Know Prince Charming?

After recently launching the book, “Be Beautiful Being You,” to make you beautiful from the inside out, I decided to take a copy of the book and give it to a guy I used to date.   

I first met him after my divorce five years ago, of all places, on the side of a dance floor in a nightclub. He knew I was writing a book, because after a few dates I shared that information with him. But, he didn’t know what it would be about. Back then, I wasn’t sure how the book would turn out.

So, this man grabs my hand and asks to have the last dance with, ‘the most beautiful girl in the world,’ -- so he says. And, shortly after introducing himself, I fell in love.

His looks sealed the deal, and I was convinced he saw me -- from a distance -- for who I was. I was convinced he had fallen in love with me based on the fact that he was looking for someone to love him! I assumed he was as beautiful on the inside as he was on the outside. And with charm like his, how could I resist the last dance.

I thought to myself, ‘he’s the one for me!’

But, isn’t it interesting the pickup artist in men these days? Even before I knew that’s what was happening, I was, literally, swept off my feet and onto the dance floor; twirling around like Cinderella. But that’s strange.

It’s very strange that a woman like myself; a strong, confident, intelligent woman, can be made dependent - in a split second - by a series of brutal psychological tricks, known as “the game” played by men.

I thought I’d revisit that scenario in my mind and blog as a status of key topics among men who think talking to a woman and having a relationship with her demands that technique -- and apparently, the word “charming” is used to define it.

Let’s go back to my Prince Charming and our first night’s meeting, which led to several dates, and the moments before I realized that he was dating other woman. And that he was not looking for love, but perhaps companionship at his convenience, and occasional sex at his command.

There’s so much wrong with that picture, and here’s where I insert the word “screech” because that’s what happened to this newly-dating woman who was coming out of a divorce. I was shocked at this behavior, as you can imagine.

Here’s what I’ve learned about how the new dating game is played by men:

  • Men often play games with other women. Not just the one he is currently talking to but all the other women in the dating field he’s met. Perhaps men believe this makes women jealous.
  • Men show interest and then suddenly disappear, not showing interest at all. Perhaps they hope we’ll chase them.
  • Men want women to text them, four or five times (at least) before they respond. Perhaps it’s to make us look needy and desperate -- or, so they look busy and important.
  • Men play “games” as a way of testing women to see if they’re truly interested in them. Perhaps, like their science project in the 9th grade that mom had to help finish, and had it not been for her, they would have FAILED!
  • Men invite you over to their house, leading you to believe the night is all you, but before you know it, you find yourself on the couch watching football. Perhaps it’s to see if you like sports. NO! We don’t want to spend our time with you watching SPORTS!!
  • Men often say things that are outrageous to test women and see how calm they are. Perhaps it’s to make sure they’re not psycho.

OK. Enough already.

That was six years ago.

And while our time together stretched into a year of me chasing after him, FINALLY, when he would no longer respond to my text messages and I looked like a foolish, desperate woman seeking love, he sealed the deal with another woman and went into a three year relationship with her! 

Four years now passed, and I thought that was it, not meant to be, and I’d never hear from him again -- until this year. I received a late-night text message that read: Prince Charming 212-XXXX ‘Hi. How are you?’

I’d like to tell you that I wrote back, ‘screw you,’ but instead, Cinderella 894-XXX said, ‘who is this?’ And began to play a little game herself.

You can only imagine my crazy mind. I found myself questioning my authority and allowed it to go there, asking what was going on, why he thought of me, and wondered if the saying was true, “If you love something let it go and if it comes back then it’s yours to keep.” Oh, how my mind was full of questions and my heart fluttering like a stallion looking to leave the stables for a night out on the prowl!

But this time, I played it like Cinderella. After admitting to Prince Charming I knew it was him calling on me, and that I had never deleted his number from my phone, I went on to confess my true feelings and made myself vulnerable to him.  Perhaps, not wanting to play games with him, but in the back of mind, telling him what he wanted to hear just to see how far he was willing to open up and be true to himself.

So, why do women play games with men?

  • Women often play games with men seeking approval. Perhaps, it’s because we want to know if the man really likes us for who we are.
  • Women often talk about their ex-boyfriend or past dates they’ve been on. Perhaps, it’s to make the man jealous.
  • Women often draw attention to these facts: my skirt is too short, jeans too tight, shirt too big. Perhaps, so the man will offer a compliment about her outfit and make her insecurities go away.
  • Woman often point out other women to men on a date. Perhaps they do that so the man they are with reassures them of how beautiful they are.
  • Women often ask the same question in slightly, strategically different ways, perhaps, to see if the man she’s with is honest.   
  • Women will ask a man about his past relationships, including those with his family and friends, perhaps to dig a little deeper and cross paths with people who actually know him better than her, so she can pry and find out the truth about his “real” past. 

So, how did all this work out for me? 

Prince Charming got back together with his ex, and while I wish I could end this blog with a happily ever after, it seems as though (through my Facebook-stalking skills) their relationship is a tangled web I DO NOT wish to wrap myself in. But, I did learn something from this past five years, on again- off again pursuits for Prince Charming: If a man is interested in you, he will hunt you down and there is nothing to stop him. For when he is truly in love, he will make sure “the shoe fits.”

There’s no game to play. 

There is no challenge to meet. 

You’ll just know when you’re in the presence of the right person because the conversation turns into a discovery of self, and while you’d like to make a move, don’t play the game.  Let destiny overpower your urge to rush things and stay true to yourself -- be beautiful being you!

 

About the blogger

Stacy Snapp-Killian is an entrepreneur, author, hairstylist, and public speaker. She holds an impressive resume as a recognized member of The Women’s Leadership Movement. She is the personal stylist for Women That Soar Media, providing services to celebrities and talent for events and televised award shows.  Stacy has volunteered thousands of hours mentoring adult survivors of sexual abuse suppression, and she has empowered hundreds of men and women to share their story of sexual abuse. Through this process, she has authored two books, Be Beautiful Being You, and her most recent release, The Ten Character Commitments. She is a columnist for two magazines including The One Bride Guide and her “Sit Down with StacyK” advice column is featured in the award-winning GC Magazine. Her columns inspire adults to live their truth through her Ten Character Commitments. To find out more about Stacy, visit www.justuslove.org

 

 

 

 

How Do You Know Prince Charming?


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