When I think of marriage I think of commitment.
A deep connection between two people, committed to doing whatever it takes to make life work. Two people. One bond. Together they are making decisions, dealing with problems, and supporting one another in everyday life.
There’s a huge difference between being the “I” in a relationship and becoming the “we.” Those who are committed to spending the rest of their lives together understand this. Let’s face it, creating a future when dealing with two people, who come from two different past, who are striving to live a productive life made of happy memories together, it’s not always easy. It’s a commitment to be willing to do whatever it takes to make a marriage work.
Maintaining the relationship is most important, and this is where the “we” comes in. Because together couples must understand what commitment truly means; forgiveness, compromise, sacrifice, and learning to move forward. Marriage isn’t just about you and what you want, or always having it your way. It means taking a step back and making a decision together, sometimes agreeing to disagree, and showing respect towards the other by always doing what’s best for the team.
Make sense? Sure.
What is it “we” all look for in a companion? The perfect mate to make a marriage in order to produce the most productive life “we” can? Loyalty? Good looks? A family history of success and intelligence? A person of faith filled with morals and values? Or, someone who simply understands who we are and accepts us?
I’m not exactly sure there’s one simple answer, however you’re reading a column written by a single, 43-year-old woman, who after 14 years of life together with her husband, he left her for another woman.
I do believe we’d all agree on one thing; marriage is a commitment to another person. And, while two people spend years of their lives looking for the perfect person to spend the rest of their life with, it’s during the ups and downs we discover who’s really committed to the relationship and who’s not. The simple truth is, “we” don’t like when others give up on us, and “we” don’t like to give up on other people.
I’d like to think I learned a thing or two from my past to better help you choose wisely when it comes to picking a partner, but that choice is up to you. No one but yourself knows best what you’re looking for when it comes to love. You know what you like in a person, what you don’t like, and what kind of relationship you’re willing to commit to. So, I’ve listed below the differences in mates to better help you decide who‘d you like spend the rest of your life with.
“I promise to stay committed to you, even, till death do us part;” -- this is the happily ever after we all desire.
The Best Friend
This person is the outlet for all your relational needs. Ideally, you live a full life and want someone to share these experience with you. This is a person who enjoys what you enjoy, likes the same things, and has the same taste. This person, generally, agrees with you and wants to be with you. The life you’re living when you meet this person is of interest to them, and you love sharing your life with them. Everything you do involves their presence and everything they do involves yours. Friendship is dearest to you both and, at the end of the day, this makes for a valuable love.
The Soul Mate
When you love someone who understands who you are without question you feel as though this person gets you. You knew from the moment the two of you first exchanged words that this person understood what you were saying. You might not have been physically attracted to them when you first met, but there was a force pushing you two together because you felt understood. Without question, this is the one person who loves you the way you are; believes in you, supports you, and encourages you to be yourself. As a matter of fact, your soul-mate loves that you’re spiritual because they’re spiritual, too. Together, you’re a force to be reckoned with because the other brings out the best version of you, and you love being understood.
The Life Partner
Just what it says, the person you trust with your life. Monogamy comes to mind when you meet this person. You may have differences, but your similarities are the same. When it comes to depending on someone, this is the one person you can count on! A stable person who brings you security is a loving relationship and, ultimately, that is pretty powerful. Being a straight-shooter from the get-go and showing you their true colors earns your respect. When you know what you’re getting yourself into, your love relies on a strong foundation. And, although you might not have the perfect marriage, you will have trust, and that’s the way you want life to be.
Nothing romantic, just two people coinciding in each other’s environment. But, this is a long-term partner who doesn’t agree a marriage certificate makes a union. They enjoy your company and companionship but don’t necessarily agree getting married makes a person happier. For what it’s worth, this agreement is more about a social relationship, not legal agreement. Just living together doesn’t mean you love or lust after one another. This person wants you to share in their successes and be there when they get home. But, the explicit details of the relationship are left between the two of you. No rules. No law. No coupling together to perform function. Love is merely a bond the two of you share, and while you’d rather not be alone, sharing your life with someone else is rewarding.
The Prince Charming
The one who rescues a damsel in distress. The one who is charming, romantic, and brave. The one who seems to be the perfect lover in every way. But, let’s not kid ourselves here because marriage isn’t a fairy tale. In fact, this is considered a stock character. “Stock” meaning a social stereotype who considers love to be more about personality, appearance, and impressing others, than they do admiring you. And, while we all know someone who comes to mind -- as sure as you’re reading this -- there are people who love a good story. This person is great at interacting with others and very conventional. And, being concerned with what others think of them is their first priority. They love outward appearances.
About the blogger
Stacy Snapp-Killian is an entrepreneur, author, hairstylist, and public speaker. She holds an impressive resume as a recognized member of The Women’s Leadership Movement. She is the personal stylist for Women That Soar Media, providing services to celebrities and talent for events and televised award shows. Stacy has volunteered thousands of hours mentoring adult survivors of sexual abuse suppression, and she has empowered hundreds of men and women to share their story of sexual abuse. Through this process, she has authored two books, Be Beautiful Being You, and her most recent release, The Ten Character Commitments. She is a columnist for two magazines including The One Bride Guide and her “Sit Down with StacyK” advice column is featured in the award-winning GC Magazine. Her columns inspire adults to live their truth through her Ten Character Commitments. To find out more about Stacy, visit www.justuslove.org