Dear StacyK,

I find that it’s been hurtful over the past ten years to not talk about the things that have happened in my life, and I live with the secret that I was raped.

October 2003 changed my life forever. I was once a happy girl who took the world by the tail, but that day in October came, and since then I have become very bitter and angry.

I married the love of my life three years later, thinking everything was okay and that I could overcome this fear. It’s this fear of being loved.

For years, I hid the truth because I felt that it was my fault. This eats away at my soul. I still to this day get flashbacks of the attack, and I clam up around my husband when he tries to touch me. The anger has consumed my life. I went from a beautiful blonde who weighed 135 pounds to this girl I don’t even know. I hate myself every day. I look in the mirror, and I see this 255-pound overweight girl I swore I would never be. I have allowed myself to become this woman who is angry, bitter, and doesn’t take care of herself


A year ago, I finally gave up and decided I was going to learn how to love myself again or at least start by letting someone else love me. I have decided to let the truth out about the rape. I deserve my life back, and I’m going to do something about it. On April 22, 2014, I am having a gastric bypass, as this will help me lose weight, rebuild, and get my life back. I believe what you are doing is awesome.

I have never told anyone my story. You are the first, and not one family member or my husband knows this.

I can't tell you how much better I feel already just writing about it. Hopefully I will no longer be afraid to walk outside in the dark alone and be scared that someone is waiting to attack me. Rape is brutal, and it does hurt, but the pain I caused myself is way worse. I'd love to meet you one day and say THANK YOU and give you a hug. I know your book "Be Beautiful Being You" will helps other people learn to live again. Thank you so much.

Tonya- 34 years old

Wanna share your letter with our readers? StacyK would love to hear from you, please email her here 

Comment Warning: Please be aware that we endeavor to moderate all comments to adhere to community guidelines within the survivor’s section of this website. Despite our best efforts, unauthorized links, unqualified advice and opportunistic marketing messages, or SPAM, sometimes these things get by our moderators and will be displayed. We strongly advise that you refrain from emailing or clicking links in comments containing reference to unknown websites, get rich scams, miracle cures, or cheap loans. For genuine legal, financial, health or relationship advice, consult a fully qualified professional in your area. is not liable for any claims on correctness of information presented by comments displayed here. Use information at your own discretion. We hope you continue to enjoy our website.

Stacy KComment